“Oh, How I Love Sax!”
By Kenny Love
Copyright © 2008 All Rights Reserved
As a dedicated, devoted, and lifelong musician and recording
artist, if you understand nothing else about me, understand this…
Even though I play bass, piano, and trumpet, I still love sax.
I love sax! Previously in denial, I can now admit that, whether
healthy or unhealthy, I have a sax addiction, which means it is
more than a passing fancy or fetish simplex. In fact, I find it
imperative to have sax, practically, every day.
As a musician and/or recording artist, no matter which of the
musical instrument(s) a musician likes most and/or plays best,
there simply comes a time when you just can’t go on any longer
without it, and you must find some good sax to relax.
As a teenager with raging hormones, I was once surprisingly
discovered by a group of religious fanatics as I was reading a
book on sax that also included graphic pictures of sax.
I was accosted by the fanatics, then taken away to a room
where they began performing what I now believe was an
exorcism on me.
At the time, I was also a Baptist, and since our church never
experienced anything similar, I was clueless when they started
chanting incoherently in monotone while sprinkling what
appeared to be water from small vials.
Managing to break free, I ran away while yelling at the
top of my lungs…
“I do not need, nor desire, to be saved from what you call a
‘rooting out’!.”
Now, my wife? She doesn’t like sax nearly as much as I do.
And, it seems to me, that she can go months without having
sax at all.
I really don’t know how she does it. In fact, I don’t ever want
to know how she does it, because what she has that allows her
to do so may just be contagious.
When I remotely think about it, it would seem awfully frustrating
to go without sax for extended periods of time.
And, admittedly, being that my wife doesn’t like sax as much
as I do, unfortunately, I have recently found it necessary to
become an adulterer as a result.
Whenever my wife and I can’t have sax, yet, I feel a strong
urge to have sax, I find myself cruising Jazz nightclubs trying to
pick up some sax for the evening.
Now, any sax can be found at practically any time, on street
corners, etc., and for a nominal charge or donation. But to find
really great sax is the pinnacle of enjoyment for the evening,
and is well worth your continued search.
Now, here’s some advice for musicians who choose to play
around carelessly, over indulging even (and dangerously I might
add) with sax more so than others while not taking the proper
healthy and safety precautions…
To forego developing any unusual symptoms that may prove to
be unhealthy or harmful in the future, such as a permanently
deformed, dislocated, or inoperable embouchure, be strongly
advised that you must, at all costs, watch not only whom you
engage in sax with, but you must also watch how and where
you engage in sax.
Note: A six-month health checkup is strongly advised as well.
One of the places where you really don’t want to ever get
caught having sax is in the city park, as it can be a very
embarrassing situation, depending on who you are. It can also
be very embarrassing for your family as well.
Because, when spectators discover you having sax, they won’t
want you to stop. As many of them are already voyeurs
anyway, they will ask, no, demand that you keep blowing and
tooting your horn. This type of public discovery can, possibly,
lead to your making the front cover of the local newspaper.
I, personally, know of a case where the police arrested a
couple for having sax in a city park and they were formally
charged with indecent exposure. So, forget about having sax
in city parks and other such public locations where passersby
congregate en masse.
What about you? Do you like sax? I mean, if you have not,
yet, had, at least, some sax, you really don’t know what you
are missing.
Because, sax is very good. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t.
When you experience great sax, you can tell because at the
end of having great sax, your mouth should be dry and you
should be out of breath, but extremely satisfied. And, your
toes may even curl up when certain notes are blown during
the act.
When musicians have sax, very often, during a point in the
performance, their eyes will even roll back in their heads or
they will clinch their eyes tightly.
Sax has now become such a conscientious element of our
society, that the medical industry has now created a degreed
college course of study titled, “Saxology.” Webster Dictionary
defines the term as “the formal study and resulting practice of
sax, generally, with a focus on its cause, addiction, and
subsequent treatment.”
A physician who practices “Saxology” is referred to as a
“saxologist.”
While the medical profession, overall, has a great outlook, I
personally do not see this career as a promising future vocation,
particularly, as many people who are addicted to sax will not
readily come forward and seek medical treatment for the
condition on their own.
So, for what it is worth, I would not personally advise any
graduating high school students to consider this field as a
viable college major.
Also, as you can readily see, when one is addicted to sax, one
must always be aware and take incredible precautions in the
interest of offsetting any would be life-threatening situations.
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Editor’s Note: Kenny Love is a radio/video promoter, media
publicist, Non Fiction and Fiction author. Get more details
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